Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Can i not drive my cunt home
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
