Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The convent might be a nice break from real life
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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