Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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