I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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