dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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