so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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