Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
