3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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