thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
