i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
