I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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