Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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