How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
