How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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