so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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