I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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