Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
