i don't like sucking hair
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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