i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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