so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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