I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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