New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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