Fine. I'll sleep in my office
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
