You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Randomize
