Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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