I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
