my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
