My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
