he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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