Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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