I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
