I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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