I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
