He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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