I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
