I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
