So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
