Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
