your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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