Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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