Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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