saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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