Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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