Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
