We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
