Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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