ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
