I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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