dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
