Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
