I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
