is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
