I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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