Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
