Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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