At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
