I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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