The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
