I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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