If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
