Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
